i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
