you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
