someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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