My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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