When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
