And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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