i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
