I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
