do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
