yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
