Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you had me at cake vodka
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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