You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
