I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
