omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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