I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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