Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
