what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
