Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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