this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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