I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
