You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
