wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
