i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize