You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
