Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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