so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
