Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
