You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
they're like a gay fantastic four
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
