Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
