When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
