he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
