Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
