It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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