My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
