Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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