Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
