I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
