1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
