whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
