it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
