i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
