No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He called his prostate his "boner button".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
