zippers are such a cool invention
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
