Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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