So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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