Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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