The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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