my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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