According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A+ Viking dick
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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