I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
