So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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