Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
