the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
