Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
