at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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