I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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