some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
