He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize