he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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