i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
