you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
