I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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