so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
