she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
