Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Randomize
