There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
