I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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