He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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