he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
