connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
