I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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