Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize