I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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