Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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