Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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