I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
