Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she told me i tasted like america
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
