Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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