he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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