Your face is a jimmy john
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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