youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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