Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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