I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So apparently I’m into choking now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
