Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
