I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
