i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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