Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
