just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
