i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
