I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
