Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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