soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
