Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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