I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
