come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
