Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
