can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
