Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
