We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
