Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
