My nipple is on Facebook.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
