I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
