its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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