He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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