great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
