I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize