the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
