I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He better not be in your backpack
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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