I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
