yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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