I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
