i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
